Thursday, February 19, 2015

Idiots walk among us.


Emailed to me by a member
Idiot sighting:
I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the deer crossing sign on our road.  The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

Idiot sighting:
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 and asked, “May I have large bills please?”

She looked at me and said, “I'm sorry sir but all of the bills are the same size.”  When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

Idiot sighting:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car we were told that the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “it's open!”

He replied, “I know.  I already got that side.”  This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS.

Idiot sighting:
We had to have the garage door repaired.  The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.  I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.  He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.”

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, “NO, it's not.  Four is larger than two.”  We haven't used Sears repair since.

Idiot sighting:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.  Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.  She said, “You gave me too much money.”

I responded, “Yes I know.  This way you can just give me a dollar back.”

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.  I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, “We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.”  The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.  Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

Idiot sighting:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'  He said he was sorry but they only had Iceburg lettuce.  From Kansas City

Idiot sighting:
I was at the airport checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”

I replied, “If it was without my knowledge then how would I know?”

He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That's why we ask.”  Birmingham, Ala.

Idiot sighting:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.  I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine who asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.  I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.  Appalled, she asked, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.

Idiot sighting:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing,’ our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun.  We should do this more often.”  Not another word was spoken.  We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.  This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

Idiot sighting:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.  This was a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office.

Idiot sighting:  How would you pronounce this child's name?
“Le-a”
Leah??  NO
Lee - A??  NOPE
Lay - a??  NO
Lei??  Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, MO and her mother was irate because everyone got her daughter’s name wrong.  “It's pronounced ‘Ledasha’.”

When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, “The ‘dash’ don't be silent.”

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the ‘dash.’

STAY ALERT!  They walk among us...and they VOTE, and have babies.




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