Subj: Noah today!
NOAH TODAY
In the year 2011, the
Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America, and said: "Once again,
the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh
before me."
"Build another Ark,
save 2 of every living animal and 7 of every clean animal, along with
a few good humans."
He gave Noah the
blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark, before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the
Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He
roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me,
Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a
Building Permit."
"I've been arguing
with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim
that I've violated the neighborhood by-laws, by building the Ark in my back
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning
Committee for a decision."
"Then the local
Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the
future costs of moving power lines, and other overhead obstructions, to clear
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be
coming to us, but they would hear none of it."
"Getting the wood
was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees, in order to save the
Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
go!"
"When I started
gathering the animals, the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were
too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a
confined space."
"Then the
Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark, until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying
to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities
I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"The Immigration
Dept. is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trade unions
say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience."
"To make matters
worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me,
Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies
cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder
and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the
Lord. "The Government beat me to it."
-- Paulette Mark
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